Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
