i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
