I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
