So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
