She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
