We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
