Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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