I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
