I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
