i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You're like the curious george of whores
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
