this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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