we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
