Cold hands, warm shart.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
