how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
