New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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