i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
