garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
