Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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