I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
