p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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