Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
