A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
