I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
