My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
