I think i peed on brittanys purse
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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