The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
