Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sext me about skeletons
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
