he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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