i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
