Just cropdusted the office
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
