She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
