I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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