you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
