um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
