so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
