So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
