We won't sleep together?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
