i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
