i just had sex bonerless
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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