woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
