Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
