but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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