This is not my ceiling
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
