Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
