i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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