Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's just like the Real World with babies
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
