He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
