Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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