u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
