proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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