i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
