She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
