i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
