It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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